Is
bedtime a battle with your preschooler? It doesn’t need to be but our preschool
aged children have so much to explore and learn everyday that it can easily
turn into several rounds of 20 questions. Many times when a parent approaches
me for sleep help and their child is between 3 and 5 (sometimes even 2 ½) I
will say it’s time for “sleep manners” which I learned through my own
experience with author Kim West, best known as “The Sleep Lady.” I love the
idea of teaching children the skill of sleep and during the preschool years
it’s really about manners and a skill, not punishment and judgment.
When
parents look for a way to get their child to cooperate at bedtime we discuss
the role of sleep manners. Just like we teach our children to say “please” and
“thank you” we can teach them they need to learn sleep manners. Getting into
bed at an appropriate time should not be an on-going negotiation; it should be
a matter-of-fact event. Going to sleep should be a calm, peaceful routine, not
one of struggle and heart strings being pulled (“just one more drink”, “just
one more book!”).
A
sleep chart, like Victoria Chart Company’s “Good Night, Sleep Tight” is ideal
for helping kids learn sleep manners. It’s colorful and easy-to-use, complete
with great stickers, and a list of appropriate expectations for our preschool
aged children at bedtime. Some of those behaviors are “I’m getting into bed”
and “I fell asleep by myself.” It’s important that there are morning manners
too, like “stayed in bed until it was time to get up”, a common difficulty for
young children in beds, able to get up at hours adults would not consider
morning.
As
a sleep coach I help parents understand that our children actually learn to
sleep. If they don’t learn this skill independently, with something or someone
doing it for them, they will always need that thing, action or person to go to
sleep. As a child gets older it is important for them to understand their own
role in getting a good night’s sleep. Part of self-care, like feeding oneself
or learning to get dressed, is taking responsibility for falling asleep
unassisted.
A
sleep chart can be a helpful reminder of routine for both parent and child at
bedtime and in the morning. The chart itself is best put into action during a
pre-set family meeting where your child learns about the new tool and how it is
going to help them learn their sleep manners. The conversation at the family
meeting should be a positive, upbeat one, asking for your child’s ideas about
what good manners might be and focusing on the rewards (a fun outing/experience
with a parent, not necessarily a toy) after successful sleep manners for
several days, and eventually weeks. Every morning you can review the previous
night and how things went. This way both you and your child can stay consistent
about new good manners and see where there’s room for improvement.
Wishing
you a good night’s sleep!
Christina Gantcher is
a licensed and certified Gentle Sleep Coach. For more information go to www.goodnightsleepcoaching.com
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